Mine is now one of them. Another small statistic.... 1 in 200 pregnancies end in stillbirth, and 1/4 of stillbirths are unexplained.
I honestly don't know how I feel about that. I'm devastated. I started crying right away while on the phone with my doctor. Nobody can give me a reason why my baby girl died. I need to know why. Maybe if I know why, I can prevent it from happening again. I can warn other people. I can have a peace of mind. But I don't have that. And i don't know where to go from here.
In a way, it is good that they couldn't figure it out. Meaning that all the things they tested for means it was a normal pregnancy and it can give me more hope for the future. There was nothing genetic, no virus, nothing harmful. She didn't lose circulation, nor did she really suffer. It's a good thing.
My doctor set the ball running for me to go to a clinic for high risk pregnancies an hour away from where I live. They'll test us out to see if they can determine anything for us. Then my OB will be right there with us when we start trying again. She'll be there for us step by step. I hate being considered high risk now. I see the good, more appointments and more ultrasounds. But i also see the possible bed rest looming.
I mean. We had no clue this was coming!! I was developing wonderfully, she was growing perfectly. I had only gained maybe 12lbs, blood pressure was great, and no protein in my urine. There were no warning signs.... so does this mean for the next one bed rest for all of 3rd tri in case it happens again??
I don't know what it means. I don't know what will happen. I just still, have no answers.
When we had Nick this past weekend, he hugged me out of the blue and said "Why did this have to happen to us? Why couldn't it have been someone elses baby?"
That first question, i ask myself too. But that second question is difficult for me to answer. I wish it didn't happen to us! But at the same time, I wish it didn't happen to anyone else. I don't want it to be someone elses baby either.
Someone said to me today, "There will be someone out there that will need you because you will understand their pain." and maybe that's why it happened. Jason, in response, said "You are so strong and caring, that someday when this happens to someone, you will be there and know exactly what they need." I am finding that there are so many people out there who don't understand, but i can be that person someday for someone. I am also finding too many people that this has happened to. I wish i could find someone who was as late as I was.... just to know that I'm not the only one.
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