Sunday, May 16, 2010

How to talk to a grieving mother and their family

My mother has mentioned so many times, there's no etiquette for this. There's no etiquette on what to say, or what to do for a family who just lost their child. After going to a support group for grieving parents, who lost their child at any age, we realized that it just wasn't us. It just wasn't losing a baby that people have a difficult time with, it's losing any child at any age.

So what does a grieving mother need?

She needs hugs. When you see her, instead of looking at her with sad eyes, give her a hug and hug her as long as she needs.

Don't tell her that you're sorry. Tell her that you are there for her, and mean it.

Let her talk about her angel, and talk to her back. Talking about her angel makes the angel feel alive. When you walk on eggshells and never mention her name, it's like she never existed, and she was real.

If she starts to cry, do not back away. Do not say that you're sorry for the tears. The tears are good. Because the sadness will always be there, the tears will come no matter what.

If you have questions, do not be afraid to ask them. Losing a child is so hard for us to grasp, we understand that it's difficult for other people too. So ask questions.

If you are with her, and are having a good time, and she starts to cry out of the blue. Ask her what the trigger was and let her talk about it.

Do not be afraid to mention her angels name. That name is not taboo, that name makes her feel happy.

If you haven't noticed the trend, the biggest thing is to talk, to listen and to be there. That's what a grieving mother needs. Time will heal, but she will never forget. The hardest things is knowing that others will forget. Her child is real, and she will always be a mother.

1 comment:

  1. This is a GREAT post and should be required reading for all people who have friends or family members who lost babies!