Saturday, April 28, 2012
It made me smile when I went to pick up the penny, because my one co-worker started yelling at me not to pick it up because it was tails side up. But the other co-worker with us yelled back at her "No! It's from her daughter!" I love that she knows that.
Thank you baby girl!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
About a year ago, a friend gave me two more charms to add to it. A dragonfly and a penny, which if you have read this blog or know me, you know how perfect it is!
Sometime, early last week, I lost the dragonfly charm. I noticed it was missing after I took a shower, and I honestly thought it was gone for good. However... this is my story.
Every day I was weighing myself to see if I had lost any weight. From this point, I hadn't. Then Sunday came. The day after Aurora's birthday.... I pulled out the scale after eating breakfast, stood on it and noticed that I had dropped 6 lbs! First of all, I never weigh myself after eating! So I thought for sure it would show that I gained! I was so excited to finally see some progress in my calorie counting.
Then, as I was putting the scale back. It was there that I noticed the dragonfly charm, and it was sitting directly on top of a penny. I honestly couldn't believe my eyes! Every day I put this scale back and never once noticed it there! I'm still very quite baffled over the whole thing. What a wonderful job my angel is doing, to make me notice it when I did!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
We are not doing anything big, like we did last year. Jason is still struggling when it comes to certain things, and I want to honor his wishes. I do want to continue, with something I would like as a tradition. To release balloons, letters to heaven, at 4:21pm.
As the time ticks on, it's almost April 21st. My mind just keeps going back to that day. Walking through everything that I did, everything that I felt.... reliving everything like it just happened yesterday.
Not too long ago, I watched the Duggars special, where they were in the ultrasound room as they found out little Jubilee had passed away. Her face, her reaction, I swear it mirrored ours. People said they expected more emotion from her at that time, but the thing is... I can't speak for Michelle Duggar, but I can speak for myself. It didn't sink in yet.
I think the moment it sank in for me, was seeing my mother at the hospital. She was already there, waiting for me, as I walked down the hall. I still don't know how she got there so fast, but I'm glad she was there.
All of that emotion that I felt that day, seems to be back again. It's going to be a long day.
Only a few moments till midnight.
Happy Birthday Sweetheart.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Last night, at my monthly bunko party, I was having a particulalry difficult night... mostly because of my post below. And the very first game we played, I ended up getting 4 wins, 2 losses and 1 bunko!! For a total of 4-2-1!
I'm taking it as a sign that Aurora was with me last night, helping me through a difficult night, helping me stay strong! Thank you for that honey. I am loving all of my signs.
I am loving all of my penny dreams. I dreamed of pennies again last night. I know they're your way of coming through to me in my dreams.
I really, really hate when family members talk about other people's pregnancies and say "Well, I hope it's a girl, because somebody needs to have a girl around here!" It's like a stab in the heart. Somebody did have a girl around here!!! I think what you really want to say is "Somebody needs to have an alive girl around here." I understand that on my mothers side of the family, all of my mothers alive grandchildren are boys, all of my aunts grandchildren are boys, all of my uncles grandchildren are boys, all of the close friends grandchildren are boys, all of my 2nd cousins grandchildren are boys... I get it. We have a lot of boys.
But to say "somebody needs to have a girl around here" is so hurtful. I know that they do not mean it that way, but I always smile my fake smile and then cry about it later.
It also makes me feel like a failure. Everyone wants a girl so badly, I had a girl, but I just couldn't keep her alive. It wasn't good enough to satisfy their needs of a little girl. I failed them.
Who knew such a simple saying could affect me so, especially almost 2 years later!