Monday, January 17, 2011

You are the world

Dear Aurora,

Your half brother just came up to me, no more than 2 minutes ago, and said he needed a hug. He told me he was just thinking of... but then he trailed off. I know he was just thinking about you.

He told me about something that Papa made for you. He then said, that he wants to give a speech. He said, "Even though Aurora never saw the world, I believe that she is the world." and he couldn't be more right. You are the world Aurora.

Your brother loves you so very much.

Love, Mom

Thursday, January 6, 2011

I'm liking this new year!

Since the holidays, i've actually been doing really well emotionally. I can't really explain the change, but I can feel it. Don't get me wrong, I still miss Aurora like crazy, and still get sad sometimes.... but i'm different now.

I thought having a blog would help me express myself. However, it's so hard when I don't even know how to describe it to myself.

I kind of knew that I've been feeling better, but never really wanted to admit to it. That was until today, when a co-worker at work told me I looked beautiful. This lady, I like to call her the witch doctor, for various reasons. She speaks with a very heavy spanish accent, and she said I looked extra beautiful today, gestured with her hands around her face and gave me two thumbs up.

I knew exactly what her gestures meant. I looked happier. I looked myself. I didn't look like a woman taken over by grief, by the loss of a daughter. As much as I dont like to think that I looked that way... I did. You could tell by looking at me that I was not in a good place. I could always tell with my eyes.

Today, however, is different. I can't pinpoint exactly when I started to feel better. I can't tell you when the major grief started to go away... but it did. I can feel it, and i'm glad others can see it.

I just hope that this is a sign of better things to come for Jason and I.

I love you my darling Aurora.