Saturday, April 24, 2010

Cleaning Her Room

Yesterday we cleaned up Auroras room. It was all ready for her. Her name was on the wall, the swing was out and ready, there were sheets on the mattress, her clothes in the closet, shoes and bibs in baskets, even some Johnson's and Johnson's ready to wash her up.

My parents, who have been wonderful, bought us some Rubbermaid bins. Pink bins with purple lids, and one big grey bin. We decided the big grey bin would be for all of Auroras stuff. The things we bought especially for Aurora. All of the pink bins would be for stuff for "baby".

Walking into her room was harder than I thought. We were supposed to bring her home to that room. We were supposed to lay her in that crib. We were supposed to change her and dress her and cuddle her and love her. We can still love her, but it's not the same. I need my little girl to hold in the room. I'm glad the rocking chair was out of the room already. If it was still there I probably would have sat in the chair and never got up.

Before all of this, there were often times I'd sit in the room and just dream. I had so many dreams for Aurora. So many experiences I wanted her to see. There are so many people that love her. I hope she feels that love. I hope she knows how much she is loved and always will be loved.

I'm glad Jason and I cleaned up her room. My parents also came over and helped, and they were great. I could tell they didn't want to overstep any boundaries with that process. People had offered to take care of the room for us. To have everything out and painted by the time we got out of the hospital. But that is something we need to do. It would have killed me walking into an empty room. It nearly killed me walking into her room, but it would have been worse.

Right now her room is all packed up. The painting will come later. I am still so tempted to walk into her room and just hold all that love in my heart for her. It's just so hard, we should have brought our little girl home to that room.

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