Thursday, May 20, 2010

The strength I needed

Thank you for today Aurora.

While I was waiting for my interview, it became hard to breath and the tears were swelling up so much. I couldn't push those tears down like I normally do. I knew the minute I walked into that interview and saw one of the interviewers who I respect so dearly, I knew i'd see those eyes. Those sad eyes I get when people see me, and are reminded of all of the pain I am going through for losing you. I couldn't push down those tears, and alone in that huge room I sat waiting to get called in.

I asked you to give me strength. I needed the strength. But it wasn't coming. The tears still came, the breathing was still hard. I couldn't stop!

But when an interviewer came out to get me, I felt better. The tears stopped and I could breath. I walked into the room and saw those eyes from 2 of the women. The men hardly looked at me. I don't know if the men knew about losing you, but i do know for a fact that the women knew. I saw those eyes, and it did not bother me.

It was you. I know it was you. I asked you to give me strength and you gave it to me. Thank you so much. I was able to get through the interview without crying. I know i did not do my best, but I was strong, and that was all I needed. To get through without breaking down. I broke down afterwards, and that was ok. Because I was alone. And after a visit to you, I immediately felt better. The rest of the day was a good day.

So once again, I thank you for today. I miss you so much.

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