Saturday, September 24, 2011

Penny #42

Thank you so much for the penny darling!! It was a very emotional day for me and I was thinking about you lots! I am so happy that when I was walking into that store, I noticed the penny sitting there. It was quite easy to miss, as it was the same color as the crack in the sidewalk. But, of course I would notice it! Thank you so much. I really needed that penny after how emotional I was today.

Monday, September 19, 2011

2 years ago...

Two years ago I woke up from a dream. A dream about a baby girl, with the name tag Rose, dropped off at my door. I opened the door and snagged her up and told her I'd never let her go. That's when I noticed people out there looking for her. They banged on my front door as I hunkered down low so they couldn't see me. I hugged that little girl and told them they'd never take her from me.

I wonder if that dream was really telling me my future. That they'd take my little girl away?

When I woke up from the dream, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I have very irregular cycles and never had an idea on when my period would show up. So I always had tests on hand and every month I'd take a test when I realized that I hadn't had her inawhile. About 2 weeks before, I had slight spotting and thought I was getting her. My dog was even in heat and whenever she was in heat, I usully had my period.

So many things lined up. But I didn't want to believe it when I got that positive on the pregnancy test. So many tests before that had been negative... But finally. A positive. I hadn't been that happpy in a long time!

Two years ago I knew my life was going to change.

If only I knew then what I know npw...

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Salt Springs State Park

On Sunday, Jason took Nick and I to Salt Springs State Park in PA. It's not that far from where we live, maybe a 30 minute drive... if that. It's a cute little state park with lots of hiking. They have hiking trails, as well as the creek with some waterfalls that you can climb.

We decided to go on a hiking trail first to see penny rock. I know! How perfect?! Unfortunately Jason forgot to mention that there was such a rock until we were in the middle of our hike. We found the rock and I was amazed in the pennies!!

I'm not sure what made them curl up like that, unless the people hammer them in. Jason and I said that we'll have to go back soon and bring a penny and a little hammer.

After we were done with the hiking trail, it took us to the top of the creek where the waterfalls start. So instead of climbing up the waterfalls, we climbed them down. It was so beautiful!! There were even little dragonflies flying around.

From penny rock to the dragonflies, this whole trip I thought of Aurora. I thought about how we could have taken her on the hiking trail and carried her down the waterfalls. We could have let her play in the water. I would have took so many pictures.

I can't wait to go back.

Friday, September 2, 2011

TV Triggers

When I say triggers, it kind of sounds negative, doesn't it? I don't mean these triggers as bad triggers. The one, makes me smile. The other makes me cry... but it's not bad. I kind of just wanted to clear the air before going into the TV shows.

The first show is Big Brother. I am a huge fan of this reality TV show! I don't watch a lot of the reality TV show games.... but I do watch Big Brother and I have been watching it every summer since the beginning!

Jeff, is one of my favorite players and I was so happy to see him back again this season. Then, he really became my favorite player for a T-Shirt that he wears constantly.

This was the best picture I could find... but if you notice, his shirt says Aurora. Now, i'm assuming it's for Aurora Colorado. I would love to learn why he wears it all of the time!

I was sad when he got kicked off the show, only because I wouldn't see him wearing that shirt anymore. It made me smile whenever I saw him wear it.

The second TV show that has triggers is my soap opera. All My Children. Back in, March maybe, a character on the show was pregnant and her daughter was stillborn. In weird soap opera ways, the mother never knew her daughter was stillborn as they had another baby right there. The mother is also blind and was passed out at the time of the delivery. When that episode happened, seeing the father cry and mourn was so hard.

Now, the mother is finally finding out that the child she thought was hers, is really not. And I have to relive the crying and screaming that I know all too well. It's weird. Maybe because I know it's not real... but it's not bad. It's not something that is painful to watch. It's just something that makes me cry and think of my sweet daughter.

Two unlikely TV shows take me back to my daughter. It's strange how things work like that.

This is how I feel a lot of the time.

I especially love the line, "I hate her uterus."