Tuesday, June 29, 2010

You're Amazing

"Oh Stephanie! You are so strong!"
"You are amazing, no doubt about that."

I'm starting to get really sick of these words. These false descriptions of me. I totally stole this from the lovely women I talk to, but i'm only strong because I have to be. The only other option would do nobody any good.

I'm only strong because I have to be.

There are situations in this life that are going to be difficult. Some of those situations you can avoid. Some of them you can't. So the ones you can't avoid, what do you do? Try to ignore them like they didn't happen? Or do you hit them straight on? Which one is going to help you heal? They're both equally difficult, and sometimes the ignore option is worse!

I am not strong. I am not amazing. I still break down and cry. I'm still trying to figure out my life. I'm still trying to find a new obession to take over, and mask my grief.

So please do not say i'm strong. When all i'm trying to do, is survive.


  1. I *hate* when people tell me I'm strong. No I'm not, I'm just living after a loss. My choices are get up or sink into a black hole. Sinking isn't going to help so getting up is my options.

    I will tell you that you are an amazing person and it's not because of your loss. You are just an amazing person. ((hugs))

  2. Sometimes trying to survive a loss takes every ounce of anything you have. It would be easy to go curl up in bed and hide until you become numb to the pain.

    So I do believe you're stronger than you probably estimated you were. It takes a lot to grab your pain by the horns and still assume your day to day duties. It takes a lot to "do what you have to do". Just remember that when people tell you that, they're giving you the best compliment they can possibly come up with in a situation in which they have no idea what to say. I wish they would just say things that make sense, but they don't even know where to begin. All they know for sure is that you have fortitude and (you know, given my funeral directing and grief counseling history) I have all the respect in the world for you for dealing with your pain in such healthy ways. So many people can't do it and it takes a lot. You may not feel like you're doing well, and feeling like crap all the time is to be expected, but you haven't turned to vices or given up. It sucks to be admired for doing what you absolutely must, but I admire you for channeling it well. And I'm rambling and probably not helping. :)

    And as the above poster said, you are amazing, but I've known that for years.

    Love you, Steph.