Just another reminder

I thought I had passed it. My breasts had been hurting, they've been so hard and heavy. But I had not leaked. I have been wearing breast pads since Thursday when I got home from the hospital just in case. I thought I was lucky they were just hurting.

But today, I felt something during the day. I didn't think much of it, until I realized what it could be. When I checked, it was there. I had leaked. I so hoped I would never!!

Its just another reminder that my baby girl is not with me.

Its 11:33pm. I was pushing. I can still feel the pain I had during my dry birth. I can still remember pleading that I could not do it anymore. I could not do it because of the pain, but also because I knew what the end result would be. A little over 20 minutes. I decided to stay awake until 11:59pm tonight. I think it'll be a good thing. I'll tell her I love her, and tell her I miss her. I'll close my eyes and dream of her sweet face.

God I miss her.