Thursday, April 29, 2010

For those who don't understand

I know that there will always be those people who do not understand. I was once one of them.

Why is she mourning a child she never really had? Why do they still cry? And years from now, they'll ask, why does she still celebrate and mourn her birthday? And they'll think, get over it already!!

I understand their thoughts and I understand their questions. Because like i said, I was once one of them. And the thing is, people will NEVER understand unless it happens to them. And because of that, I hope that nobody understands.

I may not ever get a birth certificiate for my darling Aurora Rose. But she lived. She lived inside me. She lived in our dreams. So many people had dreams for Aurora, and she lived inside each and every one of them. The camping trips we would take, the boat rides she would go on, my father teaching her to fish, swimming in my parents pool, Nick holding her and telling her all about Star Wars, Jason holding her hand as they cross the street, dancing with her at weddings, GG singing her "chickabookie" song, and all of the hugs and kisses and I love yous.

We have a daughter. That will never change. Because she is not here with us physcially, doesn't mean that she's not in our hearts. And I will never forget her. If you do not understand that, it's ok. I don't want you to understand.


  1. It will never compare to how it feels to lose a child, but I feel as if I lost a niece. I lost her before I had the chance to hold her, but not before I had the chance to love her. The love started many months ago & will continue for many, many years to come.

    I will always L Aurora Rose B&B&B&BOO!!!!

  2. I understand how people don't understand. While my loss was very early on at 5wks or so, maybe 6, it was my first pregnancy and I was just over the moon. I just knew it was a girl. I'll never 'get over' not having her here. I still think about when she would've been born and how old she'd be today. As time goes on I don't think about her as often, but when I do, I get teary, two years later. I can't imagine the pain you have, having seen her, heard her heartbeat, and named her. I think of you often and have been praying for your family.

    b loverly from the bump