Thursday, December 30, 2010

So Alone

I've been home alone a lot for awhile now. If Jason is working, and I am not... there's really not much that I can do but sit home. Today wasn't my first day alone. But for some reason, it felt like it.

I don't know if it is the New Year coming up, the recent holiday or my struggles in TTC catching up with me. I just felt like crawling back into bed and sleeping all day long. None of the usual distractions for me worked today. Laundry, dishes, TV, online games, online forums, reading my book... NONE of it took away this alone feeling. NONE of it took away the empty feeling in my heart.

I sometimes think that this feeling will never really go away. That scares me. It also scares me to think that the feeling will go away. I hate it.

1 comment:

  1. I am so sorry Stephanie.... (I am on the TTCAL board) I feel your pain. I know the feeling, I too feel alone. Through your words I know you feel the same pain and longing for a child (that stays here on earth) as I do. It hurts so much when I think about it which is usually alot of the day. It is exhausting.... but I don't remember how I felt before all this pain..

    I hope you Aurora leaves you another Penny soon...