Saturday, April 7, 2012

Somebody needs to have a girl!

I've been debating writing this. Only because I know some family members read this still. But, It's something I just need to get off my chest to make myself feel better. And also so I don't blow up in their face the next time I hear it. 

I really, really hate when family members talk about other people's pregnancies and say "Well, I hope it's a girl, because somebody needs to have a girl around here!" It's like a stab in the heart. Somebody did have a girl around here!!! I think what you really want to say is "Somebody needs to have an alive girl around here." I understand that on my mothers side of the family, all of my mothers alive grandchildren are boys, all of my aunts grandchildren are boys, all of my uncles grandchildren are boys, all of the close friends grandchildren are boys, all of my 2nd cousins grandchildren are boys... I get it. We have a lot of boys. 

But to say "somebody needs to have a girl around here" is so hurtful. I know that they do not mean it that way, but I always smile my fake smile and then cry about it later. 

It also makes me feel like a failure. Everyone wants a girl so badly, I had a girl, but I just couldn't keep her alive. It wasn't good enough to satisfy their needs of a little girl. I failed them. 

Who knew such a simple saying could affect me so, especially almost 2 years later!


  1. Usually I just read your blog to see how you are doing...and I don't comment...because I know that is your way of expressing your grief and also your way to heal... but this time I have to comment. I am happy you wrote about this, no matter who reads it. Even if it is family. They all need to know that what they say, even innocently, can hurt. I would suggest that next time someone says something, you speak up and say, "Don't you mean a second girl?" This will make you feel better and also show them that they need to pay more careful attention to things around them. If I had heard that, I would have spoken up. Mainly because of something I have never told you. But...When Sierra was pregnant with Kyan, I heard someone say that phrase. I was hurt and I mentioned it to GG. She said to me, "It doesn't matter what any of them think, I will always have a first great-granddaughter no matter if another girl comes along. That will be my second great-granddaughter." I hugged her and thanked her. As long as she feels that way, and I feel that way, nothing else matters. I try to keep that in mind. It is hard sometimes, but it's time to let people know how you feel... and before you blow up. Love you ... and my little sleeping beauty.