Friday, April 20, 2012

Birthday Anticipation

Tomorrow is Aurora's 2nd Birthday in heaven. And the anticipation of the day is killing me. I don't know why, but I thought I wouldn't be emotional. I haven't been emotional when I think of Aurora in awhile. So I just assumed, her birthday would come, we would celebrate it, and it would go... without all of the tears and heartache.

We are not doing anything big, like we did last year. Jason is still struggling when it comes to certain things, and I want to honor his wishes. I do want to continue, with something I would like as a tradition. To release balloons, letters to heaven, at 4:21pm.

As the time ticks on, it's almost April 21st. My mind just keeps going back to that day. Walking through everything that I did, everything that I felt.... reliving everything like it just happened yesterday.

Not too long ago, I watched the Duggars special, where they were in the ultrasound room as they found out little Jubilee had passed away. Her face, her reaction, I swear it mirrored ours. People said they expected more emotion from her at that time, but the thing is... I can't speak for Michelle Duggar, but I can speak for myself. It didn't sink in yet.

I think the moment it sank in for me, was seeing my mother at the hospital. She was already there, waiting for me, as I walked down the hall. I still don't know how she got there so fast, but I'm glad she was there.

All of that emotion that I felt that day, seems to be back again. It's going to be a long day.

Only a few moments till midnight.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart.

No comments:

Post a Comment