We are not doing anything big, like we did last year. Jason is still struggling when it comes to certain things, and I want to honor his wishes. I do want to continue, with something I would like as a tradition. To release balloons, letters to heaven, at 4:21pm.
As the time ticks on, it's almost April 21st. My mind just keeps going back to that day. Walking through everything that I did, everything that I felt.... reliving everything like it just happened yesterday.
Not too long ago, I watched the Duggars special, where they were in the ultrasound room as they found out little Jubilee had passed away. Her face, her reaction, I swear it mirrored ours. People said they expected more emotion from her at that time, but the thing is... I can't speak for Michelle Duggar, but I can speak for myself. It didn't sink in yet.
I think the moment it sank in for me, was seeing my mother at the hospital. She was already there, waiting for me, as I walked down the hall. I still don't know how she got there so fast, but I'm glad she was there.
All of that emotion that I felt that day, seems to be back again. It's going to be a long day.
Only a few moments till midnight.
Happy Birthday Sweetheart.