Penny #80

Thank you so much for the penny today!! It was a totally unexpected and unwanted trip to the store to grab something I forgot for the bread I was making. I was so happy that I found that penny, it made the trip totally worth it! Love you babe!

Penny #78 & #79

Thank you honey for both of my pennies yesterday! The one was before work, when I stopped at a store. The second was after work when I stopped at a place with a few colleagues of mine.

It made me smile when I went to pick up the penny, because my one co-worker started yelling at me not to pick it up because it was tails side up. But the other co-worker with us yelled back at her "No! It's from her daughter!" I love that she knows that.

Thank you baby girl!

My Necklace

I bought my very simple and cheap necklace not long after Aurora died. It's a stamped plate with her name and her birthstone. I fell in love with it and rarely take it off anymore.

About a year ago, a friend gave me two more charms to add to it. A dragonfly and a penny, which if you have read this blog or know me, you know how perfect it is!

Sometime, early last week, I lost the dragonfly charm. I noticed it was missing after I took a shower, and I honestly thought it was gone for good. However... this is my story.

Every day I was weighing myself to see if I had lost any weight. From this point, I hadn't. Then Sunday came. The day after Aurora's birthday.... I pulled out the scale after eating breakfast, stood on it and noticed that I had dropped 6 lbs! First of all, I never weigh myself after eating! So I thought for sure it would show that I gained! I was so excited to finally see some progress in my calorie counting.

Then, as I was putting the scale back. It was there that I noticed the dragonfly charm, and it was sitting directly on top of a penny. I honestly couldn't believe my eyes! Every day I put this scale back and never once noticed it there! I'm still very quite baffled over the whole thing. What a wonderful job my angel is doing, to make me notice it when I did!

Happy 2nd Birthday in heaven!

Birthday Anticipation

Tomorrow is Aurora's 2nd Birthday in heaven. And the anticipation of the day is killing me. I don't know why, but I thought I wouldn't be emotional. I haven't been emotional when I think of Aurora in awhile. So I just assumed, her birthday would come, we would celebrate it, and it would go... without all of the tears and heartache.

We are not doing anything big, like we did last year. Jason is still struggling when it comes to certain things, and I want to honor his wishes. I do want to continue, with something I would like as a tradition. To release balloons, letters to heaven, at 4:21pm.

As the time ticks on, it's almost April 21st. My mind just keeps going back to that day. Walking through everything that I did, everything that I felt.... reliving everything like it just happened yesterday.

Not too long ago, I watched the Duggars special, where they were in the ultrasound room as they found out little Jubilee had passed away. Her face, her reaction, I swear it mirrored ours. People said they expected more emotion from her at that time, but the thing is... I can't speak for Michelle Duggar, but I can speak for myself. It didn't sink in yet.

I think the moment it sank in for me, was seeing my mother at the hospital. She was already there, waiting for me, as I walked down the hall. I still don't know how she got there so fast, but I'm glad she was there.

All of that emotion that I felt that day, seems to be back again. It's going to be a long day.

Only a few moments till midnight.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart.

Penny #77

Thank you so much for the penny today! It also made dad smile, because it was right behind him when he got out of the car. I cannot believe that I found that penny as I was still in the car. Thank you hun! I love you!

Penny #76

Thank you so much for the penny tonight at our friends house! We were standing in his garage checking out daddy's bike... when in a crack I saw something. Upon closer inspection, it was a penny :) :) Thank you so much babe!

Aurora at Bunko!

This is only the second time that this has happened in my bunko career since Aurora passed. I wrote about it when it happened the first time here.

Last night, at my monthly bunko party, I was having a particulalry difficult night... mostly because of my post below. And the very first game we played, I ended up getting 4 wins, 2 losses and 1 bunko!! For a total of 4-2-1!

I'm taking it as a sign that Aurora was with me last night, helping me through a difficult night, helping me stay strong! Thank you for that honey. I am loving all of my signs.

I am loving all of my penny dreams. I dreamed of pennies again last night. I know they're your way of coming through to me in my dreams.

Somebody needs to have a girl!

I've been debating writing this. Only because I know some family members read this still. But, It's something I just need to get off my chest to make myself feel better. And also so I don't blow up in their face the next time I hear it. 


I really, really hate when family members talk about other people's pregnancies and say "Well, I hope it's a girl, because somebody needs to have a girl around here!" It's like a stab in the heart. Somebody did have a girl around here!!! I think what you really want to say is "Somebody needs to have an alive girl around here." I understand that on my mothers side of the family, all of my mothers alive grandchildren are boys, all of my aunts grandchildren are boys, all of my uncles grandchildren are boys, all of the close friends grandchildren are boys, all of my 2nd cousins grandchildren are boys... I get it. We have a lot of boys. 


But to say "somebody needs to have a girl around here" is so hurtful. I know that they do not mean it that way, but I always smile my fake smile and then cry about it later. 


It also makes me feel like a failure. Everyone wants a girl so badly, I had a girl, but I just couldn't keep her alive. It wasn't good enough to satisfy their needs of a little girl. I failed them. 


Who knew such a simple saying could affect me so, especially almost 2 years later!

Penny#75

Thank you so much for the penny today! I honestly was not expecting a penny, but it really made my day. Thanks sweetie!