Monday, November 22, 2010

This Week is full of Milestones

This week is so full of big days and milestones. The first one being yesterday, 7 months since we lost Aurora. 7 months?! I sometimes think about where the time has gone, it doesn't seem like it's has been 7 months at all. To think that Aurora would have been 6 months (or almost 6 months old) boggles my mind. 7 months also means that we are getting closer to 12 months. 7 months is 7 months too long to go without her.

The next big day would be tomorrow. My birthday. This time last year, I did not think that I would be childless on my birthday. I always had this number in my head that I wanted children by.... 30. Now, I'm one year closer to not reaching that goal. I know it wont be the end of the world if I do not have a child by this time next year, but it will be a big disappointment.

Third, Thanksgiving. As I think it will be hard for anyone who has lost their child this year. Thanksgiving is all about giving thanks, but honestly... I can't think of what to be thankful for.

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer about it. I know I have a wonderful family, a loving husband, a decent job, a roof over my head and food in my fridge. But without Aurora in my arms, it's hard to push that aside and be thankful for everything else that we do have. All I am reminded about is what I don't have, and that's my daughter. How can I give thanks when I'm not thankful for what has happened this year?

These next few days are going to be difficult. A week of milestones. I hate milestones.

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