Friday, August 13, 2010

The question

We saw a friend of my brother-in-law today. One we've only met maybe 3 times before. We met them this past fall when we found out we were pregnant. So the last time I saw her we were pregnant.

Well, we saw them tonight and of course when my sister-in-law was introducing us she said "oh yes. You guys had a baby!" And there was this weird noise coming out of everyone and then silence. I kept waiting for someone else to answer her! Why couldn't someone else say something?? So finally I said "No. We lost it." IT!? IT?! Why the hell did IT come out of my mouth! Aurora was not an IT! Why couldn't I just said "we lost her"??

I'm so sorry Aurora. You are not an IT. I did not mean it. I love you and you are not an it. Please never think that!

And that question. I never thought I'd run into it. I just thought everyone knew. Why shouldn't everyone know? We lost our daughter. The whole world should know!

I'm glad I got my penny today. I think Aurora knew it'd be a hard one for me today.

1 comment:

  1. I don't believe that, consciously or subconsciously, you meant "it". But you didn't just lose Aurora. You lost all the hopes, dreams, and experiences that came alone with her. You lost your emotional stability. You lost ALL of it. Sometimes the smallest words sum up the biggest ideas. "It" may have been the best way to sum it up.