Saturday, June 18, 2011

I'm still lost

I realized tonight... that I am still lost. I have lost my sense of myself, my sense of wonder. I have this huge hole in my heart where Aurora should be. I guess I thought over time, that feeling of not knowing who I am would go away.

But today. I still sit here and wonder, who the hell am I? Why am I feeling all of these negative things? Why do I push away the people I care about? Why am I dropping back, and dropping off the face of this earth?

I've stopped caring about certain things. I've stopped hoping. I've stopped dreaming. When am I going to be me again? When am I finally going to feel complete again? Is this just who I am now?

So many questions.... so many thoughts and feelings that I'm finding hard to place into words....

I think the bottom line is that i'm tired. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of thinking about what could have been. I'm tired of watching everyone else around me get their happy ending. I'm tired of being shit on. I'm tired of NEVER catching a break. Why?? Why me?? Why do I have to struggle when others get what they want just by thinking about it? I wish it worked that way for me. I wish it was that easy.

1 comment:

  1. We all want that happy ending, hun. It will happen. I will believe that for you if you aren't ready just yet. Something will break. It's gotta. Hang in there with the waiting and figuring out what is best for you. What you need. The people that you want in your life will be there in the end. They will wait too. Take your time and be gentle with your heart.