Thursday, January 6, 2011

I'm liking this new year!

Since the holidays, i've actually been doing really well emotionally. I can't really explain the change, but I can feel it. Don't get me wrong, I still miss Aurora like crazy, and still get sad sometimes.... but i'm different now.

I thought having a blog would help me express myself. However, it's so hard when I don't even know how to describe it to myself.

I kind of knew that I've been feeling better, but never really wanted to admit to it. That was until today, when a co-worker at work told me I looked beautiful. This lady, I like to call her the witch doctor, for various reasons. She speaks with a very heavy spanish accent, and she said I looked extra beautiful today, gestured with her hands around her face and gave me two thumbs up.

I knew exactly what her gestures meant. I looked happier. I looked myself. I didn't look like a woman taken over by grief, by the loss of a daughter. As much as I dont like to think that I looked that way... I did. You could tell by looking at me that I was not in a good place. I could always tell with my eyes.

Today, however, is different. I can't pinpoint exactly when I started to feel better. I can't tell you when the major grief started to go away... but it did. I can feel it, and i'm glad others can see it.

I just hope that this is a sign of better things to come for Jason and I.

I love you my darling Aurora.

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