A few people have said this phrase to me, and each time they did I wanted to rip their heads off. When it comes to certain people and their pregnancies..... "You HAVE to be happy for them".
It has been something I've been dealing with personally for a long time. I physically could not be happy for them, and it killed me inside that I couldn't. So to hear people tell me that I have to be, when no matter how hard I tried I couldn't.... Just eats at me even more.
Then, one day, it dawned on me. Who says I have to be happy for them? Who made that a rule? Why do I have to be happy for their good fortune, when mine was blown to bits? So I'm sorry for being so blunt, but NO. I don't have to be happy for you. I don't care how that makes me "look". I do not need to celebrate your joy and happiness, when I'm being shit on. I know its not your fault my world was crushed, but I don't need to stand off and watch your happy endings come true.
Now maybe this makes me a hypocrite. But not every pregnancy or every good fortune makes me feel this way. I have grown to love so many women who have been through hell and back much like me. Their pregnancies I jump for joy for. Those are the ones I can feel happiness for.
But for the others.... I guess I'm just still in the "anger" phase of my grief.
This is so true. I never really allowed myself to think too much about that phrase... but it is a stupid one. I am happy when my friends are happy... and so if pregnancy is what is making them happy, then I am happy for them... but do I have to be happy that they're pregnant and I'm not. Absolutely not.
ReplyDeleteI also wanted to tell you... I was driving back from a home visit for work the other day, and I passed a street I've never seen before called "Aurora Ave." and started crying. I've been thinking about you a lot ever since! I hate this road that we are walking on, but I am so glad that it brought us together. I know we haven't talked a WHOLE lot, but I just want you to know how much "knowing" you has helped me. :)
Thank you for writing this. It's true, we do not have to be happy for them. And I need to let myself accept that and move on. They'll get over it, they'll have a baby.
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