Thanksgiving

I just read my entry that I wrote last Thanksgiving. I cannot believe where I have come in a year in my grief. I have come a long way in my grief. Some days it still doesn't feel like I have, but looking back to how heartbroken I was, it really proves just how far I have come.

While Thanksgiving did suck without my dear Aurora, or without a little brother or sister, and without my grandmother.... it did not hurt as badly as it did last year. I wasn't in that dark place that haunted me last year. I was very negative, and bitter. I had a hard time accepting what had happened to us, and why all of these other people had all this joy while all we had was sorrow.

I'm glad that I have healed in this past year. I did not like that dark place I was in, and I know others didn't like it either. Lets hope that I continue to heal while continuing to honor and love my dear Aurora.

Penny #53

Thank you so much for the Thanksgiving penny yesterday! I wasn't even going to go out shopping, but I did, and that's when I saw that lovely penny by the door. I was putting the cart away and told grandma that she needed to pick it up! But since I saw it first, she gave it to me. :)

Thank you so much hun! I am so thankful to get those special pennies on these special days!

Happy (?) Thanksgiving

Today has turned out to be harder than I thought it was going to be. I just can't be thankful for anything when the thing that I am not thankful for is so huge. I'm trying, I really am. I just can't do it. I can't help but think about all the things I should be doing today. I can't help but think about the cute thanksgiving outfit I would have bought for Aurora. I can't help but think about how Aurora would be on solids now, and how I would have found a turkey flavored baby food.

I can't help but think about all of these things that I should have been so thankful for... and then the tears come.

So now I have to go, and try my best not to be sad to bring everyone else down. I just hate this. I hate all of this.

7 months later, and today hurts just as badly as it did day 1.

I think the part that hurts the most, is seeing everyone else being thankful for things that I can't be thankful for. And the whole thought of why them and not me. Why do they get to be thankful today. Why do they get their happy ending and not me. What the hell did they do so much better that they deserve it more than I do?

Pity party today for one. Happy not-so-thankful Thanksgiving to you.